Letter To My Teenage Daughters

My beautiful niece Shaina started high school this week.  That doesn't even seem possible.  She should still be that dark-eyed, adorable little girl in pigtails who called me Aunt Missa.  This new milestone has made me reflect a lot about my own little girls.  Granted I still have a few years before I have to embark on that scary-for-mom-and-dad journey, but I started thinking about the kind of relationship I hope to have with them then.  The kind of mother I hope to be.  The things I'd like to say to them.  And so I wrote, and wrote.  I don't know, maybe it's good for me to get this all down now.  Maybe I have more clarity while they're still 5 and 7.  And now that I've got it all out, I fully intend on squeezing every last second out of the next 6 years, you know, while hanging out with Mom is still kinda cool.

1. There will be times when you don't like me very much.  Let's just get that out in the open.  I hope with all my heart that we will always be close.  I hope we spend weekends shopping and baking cookies and staying up late talking about boys and broken hearts.  I hope I'm your best friend, even if you'd never admit it out loud.  I'm sure you'll be my best friend too.  But I will always, always be your mother first.  Sometimes, you'll think I'm unfair.  You'll probably tell me I ruined your life.  At some point, I will undoubtedly embarrass you... probably more than once.  I can't promise to always get it right, but I will always have the best of intentions.  And believe me, you're much better off having a mom who tells you no out of love, than a mom who says yes because she doesn't care.

2. Be respectful.  Including but not limited to: your parents, your teachers, your elders, your siblings, your friends.  Respect will take you a long way in life.  If you give it, you will get it back in return.  But most importantly, respect YOU.  You will make better decisions for yourself and your body if you do.

3. You are beautiful.  You are enough.  Never let anyone convince you otherwise.  If someone puts you down, it is a problem with them, not you.  And remember, beauty starts within.  The prettiest girl in the world won't be appealing to anyone if she has an ugly heart.  Be real.  Be you. Too much makeup and skimpy clothes just takes away from your awesomeness.  Oh, and those women on the magazines?   They don't look like that in real life.

4 . Pick your friends wisely. Surround yourself with people who lift you higher.  People who support you, care about your feelings, who make you feel good about you.  If they say bad things behind your back, cancel plans when something better comes up, or fill your friendship with drama... just move on.  It might be hard, but your life will be so much better without them.

5. Don't spend your life comparing your "behind-the-scenes" to everyone else's highlight reel.  Okay, I didn't come up with that quote, but it's pretty awesome.  There will always be people who seems like they have it better - girls you think are prettier, or thinner, or tanner, friends with more money and trendier clothes, and parents with fancier jobs.  But everyone has struggles.  Everyone has things they would change.  And the crazy part is... all the while you are wishing for someone else's life, someone in the world is wishing they were you.

6. Anytime a guy starts a sentence with "but if you love me you'll..." - RUN.  He doesn't love you.  And doing something you're not ready for won't change that.  When the day comes when you have to make that decision, I pray with all my heart that you will come to me first.  It can wait long enough for us to have a conversation. I can't promise to tell you what you want to hear, but I do promise to listen.  And if you trust me enough to confide in me, I will trust you enough to make the right decision.  Just remember that there are some things in life that you can't get back once it's given away.  And regardless of what your peers might say, that makes it a very big deal.

7. Whatever your passion, follow it with all your heart.  Whether it's sports, or gymnastics, or music or art.  Invest the time to get better and grow.  I will support you.  Having a talent is too great a gift to waste.

8. Nothing good comes from drugs.  Ever.  They are illegal for a reason.  Not only do they mess with your brain, they are highly addictive, and far from glamorous.  So just don't do it... not even once.  I'm not naive enough to think you'll never have a sip of alcohol, but I hope you'll make good choices when you do.  And I will always, always be less angry from a 2am phone call to come get you from a party you snuck out to than a police officer at my front door.

9. High school ends.  I know it can seem like there isn't a world outside those walls, but there is... a big one.  One that doesn't care who gets voted Prom Queen, or which clique you hung out with, or who stole who's boyfriend.  I'm not saying your problems aren't real or important, but some day they'll seem a lot smaller.  Some day you'll have a mortgage and responsibilities and tiny humans who depend on you.   Some day you'll call me after a late night rocking your fussy newborn or watching hell's fury spout out of your usually-sweet toddler in the middle of the grocery store.  You'll look me at differently then, just like I did with my own mom.  But please, let that day be far, far away.  In the meantime, keep perspective and take advantage of being young.  Oh, and don't be a mean girl.  Mean girls suck.

10.  Dream big, have fun, believe in yourself, believe in others, love hard, pray often, be kind, enjoy the journey.  And no matter how many times you hear it, these are not the best days of your life.  Not even close.  The best is yet to come, and I can't wait to watch it happen.


Love, Mom